FEATURE ARTICLE
Assertiveness Tips
for the Shy "Techie"
By Jean Lim, PowerVision
If you opened this
article, chances are, you consider yourself shy. But you
also want to be able to stand up for your rights and get
what you want. You're probably sick and tired of having
to please everyone. Perhaps, you want to be able to say
"No" next time your boss asks you to work overtime on
your date night, or when a customer or user expects you
to go for 24 hours without food or sleep in order to fix
a minor problem. Or maybe you're frustrated because you
can't seem to get a word in during meetings, what with
all your boisterous officemates dominating the discussion.
You then console yourself by telling yourself that they
won't believe what you say anyway, or they just can't
understand your views even if you were able to speak up.
Perhaps you're a manager, and you have a hard time imposing
your policies or standards on your people - you tolerate
their unacceptable performance or else, make up for their
shortcomings yourself. All of these situations cause you
STRESS and FATIGUE, not to mention lower productivity.
What do you do? Take
vitamins? Go to a spa? Find another job? While these may
give you some relief, you will still meet these stressful
situations in your life. You need to find a more effective
way to deal with them - - you need to change the way you
relate to others. But you might say, I’m shy and
that’s just the way I am, I can’t change my
personality! Well, I’m not asking you to change
your being shy. You can be shy (which by the way is not
necessarily bad) and still be assertive.
Here are some tips
to becoming more assertive and still be “nice”:
Respect yourself
as well as others. You are a worthwhile person
just as other people are. Your thoughts, feelings, opinions,
needs and desires are just as valid and important as other
people’s. Your knowledge and abilities have earned
you the position you are holding in the company. Don’t
put yourself down. Take your rightful place in the company!
Know your role
in the organization. That way, you know what
to be assertive about and when to be assertive. You may
need to work with your boss on this one if it’s
not clear. Sometimes, there seem to be conflicting demands
on your function, for example, as customer service agent,
you are told to delight your customers all the time, but
you also have to handle x number of transactions per day.
What do you do with the request of a VIP customer that
will take you the whole day?
Practice openly
communicating how you feel and what you think.
Start with simple and less threatening situations like
giving a compliment or telling your friends where you’d
like to go for lunch, before working up to asking the
boss about your promotion!
Rehearse.
If you have to face an intimidating situation, try to
imagine how you would assertively behave, as if watching
a movie where you are handling things in a cool and confident
way, expressing everything you want to say and countering
objections effectively. You can also role-play the situation
with a friend.
By being assertive,
you can be your best “you” and live a more
satisfying life!
About the Author:
Jean Lim is a career counselor and trainor.
She has been an IT professional for over 20 years, working
with various companies such as Unilever Philippines, Andersen
Consulting / SGV, and NCR Corporation. Through her company,
PowerVision, she shares practical wisdom combined from
her management experiences and her counseling work. PowerVision
offers seminars, counseling and coaching services to enlighten
and empower people to be their best in their lives and
careers. She will be completing her Diploma in Christian
Counseling by March 2005.
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